do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
