The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
