This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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