I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
