she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
