I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
