They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
