im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
