I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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