I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
