In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
