Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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