I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
