Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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