How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
