Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
