mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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