did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize