I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need water and some morals
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
