she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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