Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
