My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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