I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
