Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
