Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
