Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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