It's just like the Real World with babies
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i came on her dog
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
