Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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