I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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