Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
