My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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