My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
