New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
