this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
