Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
