apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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