Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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