I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize