dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize