Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
