So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
