tell your sister to shave her snatch
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize