I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
