I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
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