I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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