My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
