He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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