i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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