Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
