Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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