DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
