I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
