She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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