I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
