What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
