im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
