Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
