I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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