So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
