I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize