I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
