I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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