Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
