not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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