Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
