he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
