I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
