i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Someone came in the potted fern
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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