im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
