I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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