I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
