just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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