There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
