bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
