Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
