just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
