sarcasm needs its own font
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
