I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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