I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
