I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
