great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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