True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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