I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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