Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
