walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
