the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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