my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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