My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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