That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
