Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
