A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
